Living with Anxiety and Three Fears I'm Facing so I Can Help Others
Everyone has fears. It's part of the human condition. Some of us are more willing to admit to them, let alone share them, than others. Some of us tackle them head-on, while others get tackled and stopped by them.
It pains me to say that I fell into the latter camp for far too long. I would only share my fears with those I trusted - which were few, and I also often allowed my anxiety to keep me from "putting myself out there." I will not bore you with specific examples, but suffice it to say that I wish I could go back and redo a few things!
Most of my fears can be linked to the two primary forms of anxiety I live with; social and general. My social anxiety traces back to childhood bullying. As a result, I developed a fear of going to social functions alone and the worry that people were making fun of me or talking behind my back. It wasn't just something in my head; it would actually happen! My general anxiety reared its head in college. It was most likely triggered by extreme stress and a couple of medical scares.
I learned to accept them, and they became simply a part of who I am. The funny thing is that almost no one ever knew I was dealing with anxiety issues except for my immediate family. You see, anxiety for me is not constant. It ebbs and flows, always lurking just beneath the surface. And 99% of the time, you'd never know by looking at me what was really going on inside. The number of times I had full-blown anxiety or panic attacks I couldn't hide was relatively low. I was very high functioning!
What does this have to with yoga and mindfulness and breathwork, you ask? For me, everything. Not that long ago, I suffered the worst anxiety & panic attack I'd ever had. Triggered by another health scare, it lasted days. It was debilitating. In addition to my doctor, family, and friends' support, I turned to yoga and meditation. I practiced every day, and it changed me. My anxiety calmed, my health improved, and I literally felt and acted like a different person. I was a new person.
I decided to train to become a teacher because of the powerful effect they had on me. I was compelled to share this with others like me. Ah, but here was the dilemma, to help others, I had to face some of my own fears. Cue the irony!
Today I'm sharing with you three fears I'm facing and conquering in my business to bring my message and skills to those who can benefit from them.
Fear of Being Vulnerable
If I am going to help others, I have to share my why story with them. Why I am here, why do I do this, why I want to help. It's not enough to say that I've had training. They need to know that I understand what they are going through and how hard it is to manage daily stress and anxiety. But, this requires me to put myself out there publicly in ways I never dreamt I would. I have to tell my story, share my experience, and that makes me feel very vulnerable. Writing this blog entry and posting it out into the ether is like putting your diary entry out for all to see. It's scary sharing this much of yourself publicly. But it's a risk I'm willing to take. For my own growth and for the sake of those I can help.
Fear of Being Rejected
The fear of being vulnerable and rejected can go hand in hand, I suppose. When running a business with your name on it, and that's your brand, it can be very hard not to take things personally. Someone might not like a social media post or blog I published, or worse, nobody has any reaction at all. Someone may not want to take my classes or sign up for a course, etc., and even though it probably has absolutely nothing to do with me as a person, it can feel like rejection. It can bring up a lot of stuff, but I've learned to not let it get to me. This is a part of the process; it's normal and necessary to build the business I want. The reward of helping people far outweighs the fear.
Fear of Being On Camera
I've never liked being on camera. Not in photographs or video. I was always just too self-conscious and critical. Now here I am with my mug plastered all over my social media accounts and website! I never had an issue performing live on stage in front of people, but a camera? Ugh. If I'm going to teach classes, develop and deliver courses online, being on camera is non-negotiable. Here's what I've learned so far.
It turns out that I am totally comfortable in front of the camera teaching live. It's because I don't feel like I'm performing. I'm teaching, having a conversation, and developing a relationship. I'm watching my students, not myself!
On the flip side, I'm a complete ball of nerves when the only face looking back at me is my own. It makes me cringe for some reason and just feels so weird! So I've come up with ways to help me not focus on that; I place something near the camera lens to look at so I talk to that and not me, and I plan my content ahead of time. The most important thing is to just do it, and the more I do, the more at ease I will be!
To that end, this week, I started publishing my new weekly IGTV series, "A Mindful Moment with Meg." You can see the first episode here, and if you follow me on IG/FB or LinkedIn, it'll be posted there too! It gives just a taste of what I'm going to cover in my course "Manage Daily Stress in Minutes Method." You can learn more about that from my recent posts on all of these platforms!
Finally, I'm learning to not be so hard on myself. I'm not trying to produce Oscar-worthy films here. I'll probably keep some of my bloopers for a future compilation because you have to be able to laugh at yourself!
For now, I'm just a girl, sitting in front of a camera, hoping I can help whoever is watching!
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